Michael Jackson, the sensationally gifted “King of Pop” who emerged from childhood superstardom to become the entertainment world’s most influential singer and dancer before his life and career deteriorated in a freakish series of scandals, died Thursday. He was 50.

The circumstances of his death were not immediately clear. Jackson was not breathing when Los Angeles Fire Department paramedics responded to a call at his Los Angeles home about 12:30 p.m., Capt. Steve Ruda told the Los Angeles Times. The paramedics performed CPR and took him to UCLA Medical Center, Ruda told the newspaper.

Jackson’s death brought a tragic end to a long, bizarre, sometimes farcical decline from his peak in the 1980s, when he was popular music’s premier all-around performer, a uniter of black and white music who shattered the race barrier on MTV, dominated the charts and dazzled even more on stage.
 

So my close childhood friend Mai Kue recently got married this month. Yayy!!!! Congratuations!!! ^_^ I was suprised how early she got married, less than a year after high school graduation. Haha, she and I always thought she'd get married way later and I was always reminding her, "Don't forget to invite me to your wedding someday!" But then her family and her husband's family decided they can get married now if they want.  But I couldn't come to her wedding because I still live with my parents,  I sent her heart shaped measuring spoons as a wedding gift. ^_^

(This is a brief summary of the process only)Basically, this process is which a model of the object is made of wax, either carved from or build up using hot wax, representing what you want the final oject to be. You then attach "sprues," which are sticks made out of wax, to the wax model to support it, and stick it into the base of the flask. You pour a creamy white fluid called "investment" into the flask, the fluid then dries. The flask is then put into a kiln a few hours for a "burn out," when the flask is taken out, the wax model is no longer there, but it have made an indentation in the investment. You take off the base of the flask, and place it in the centrifuge, which somewhat looks like a big round tub. From there you melt the metal, later you operate the centrifuge to shoot the metal into the flask.

For the heart shaped candy box pendant, I carved each heart out of wax, and used hot wax to drip some "candy" into "the box." When I casted them, i casted them in bronze. Then later soldering the two hearts together, and soldered on a brass bail. I had to use a lot of solder for this project, since the hearts were quite heavy. It was also very hard to polish the inside of the box, where the "candies," were. I plan to attach crystals onto the bow part and and the "candy" part, to give it a pop of color.

For the rose on cuff, I builded the rose up using hot wax, casted it in bronze, then soldering the bronze rose onto a brass cuff. It was very difficult to solder this rose onto the cuff,since the rose was a bit heavy, perhaps next time it would be easier if the cuff was to be curved after soldering, to give the rose a better balance when soldering. It was also hard to polish the rose, since they were so many small curve along the rose.

I'm very proud of these, and I really like them. They're time consuming, I really hated having to saw off the sprues after they were casted. But I think in the end it came out great =) These items will be availble in my online shop when I make a few more. Since these items were so time consuming, they will be priced above $65 definitely

So yesturday evening I came back from my class's one night camping trip.  It was the first time I've been camping, in the sixth grade I've went to outdoor school but I stayed in a cabin instead of a tent so I guess that didn't really count.  I caught a cold the night before the trip, then it turned into allergies.  My nose was running and stuffy, my throat was sore, I was coughing and sneezing almost every few minutes. I did not sleep well in the tent, I felt cold at one moment, then hot the next.  Then, in the middle of the night, I had to go to the bathroom. It was quite a long walk to the bathroom, and it was so dark I could barely see. My flashlight was quite dim, I feared what if my flashlight were to die out.  I kept turning behind me and looking from side to side every few seconds, I was scared. 

Finally, when I got inside the bathroom, I made my movements as quiet as possible. When I got out of the bathroom, I hesitated before opening the door, then threw it open quite agressively, and looked from side to side. On my way back, I kept tripping over these medium sized rocks, and I saw what looked like a rabbit running across the area. I was not only afraid that I was alone in the middle of nowhere in the night, but was also afraid what if I were to accidently step on animal...   My fear grew worst, when I couldn't find my tent. I was so scared, and also being nauseous from my sickness, that I lost focus, not sure where my tent was. I walked around the area for about half an hour it seems, calling out names outside of tents.  Panicked when I saw two figures in light, I shined my flashlight at them, though my flashlight wasn't very bright, and about a feet away they shined their flashlight as me and asked if I was okay. 

I saw that they were two of my classmates. I told them I couldn't find my tent. They pointed and said it was right there.  I went to the tent and unzipped it, a female voice said,"Excuse me! I believe you got the wrong tent!" I shined my flashlight in there and apologized, and zipped the tent in a hurry. When I turned around, my two classmates were no where to be found. So I kept walking around, later I saw them again, I told them it was the wrong tent. They apologized and helped me find my tent. At first when I got to my tent, I thought I've gotten the wrong tent again because when I unzipped it I saw the sleeping bags laid horizontally, but turned out I unzipped the tent from the side. When I got back inside my tent, it took me a while to go back to sleep. My hands were cold and numb from being outside for so long, but I was too...numb and tired from the experience to move my hands much to pile on more sweaters.  I felt numb, my heart was beating fast. In the morning I didn't fully woke up until someone from outside the tent told us to wake up. I woke up, it wasn't so easy, my head felt heavy.

If one were to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night in camp, it is very important to either have a bright flashlight or wake one of your tent partners up. Don't be afraid they would get annoyed about you disturbing their sleep, it's worth your safety. Or at the very least, make some sort of landmark near your tent, like, gather a heap of rocks or tie a piece of cloth on a tree near the tent.

One of my best of best friends Victor just told me something very enlightening. 

*"Everything is nothing, including the consciousness of nothing. Nothing is nothing. Means nothing.
There is no meaning in life. Nothing means anything. Is nothing. Mean nothing at all. You get it now."

That sunk in to the odd feeling I been feeling these past few days. I felt an empty feeling. No it was not boredom. It was not depression either.  It was a very odd feeling...completely undescribable.  Then he showed me these sequence of videos on youtube about the spirituality of humans.  It was called Kymatica, by Ben Stewart. And that completely responded to that odd feeling. 

Favorite quotes I got from it:

"The self IS the universe."

"Nothing goes through evolution alone."

"It is not THEY, it is YOU that brought this about. "

*We hear it is claimed that gods,angels,archangels, etc  influence over men. We hear it is claimed that the hierarchies of the gods are the heirachies within the human psyche. We must understand, that when the ancient scriptures speaks of spirtual influences from a higher being,they were speaking of archetypal forces that are inherit within us, not from an external source."

* "This is where we begin to see the relavent of astrology as an ancient form of science that resurfaced in the 19th and 20th century under the name of psychlogy.Friedrich Nietzche stated "As long as you still experience the stars as something above you, you still lack aviewpoint of knowledge." This is astropyschology, the interfaculty of the psyche."

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I am positive about life again, I have to be.  Though some sorrow may still be visible underneath it all, I know I can be okay. It is like...I am okay....but underneath it I am not okay. 

-"The way my heart is beating right now...it's as if it's calling for you..."
-"You're everything I can ever ask for,"
-"You're everything I think about,"
-"Write this down word for word...tanti told me he love me...and he will love me forever."

I will remember those words from him forever.....for the rest of my life....

Last night when I thought the sweetest words I could ever hear could exist, he additionally went into his garden and got a red barely budding rose for me, presenting the rose on webcam. =) Then this morning he showed me a whole bouquet of different types of flowers. So lovely. So sweet. Of course it's not about the flowers, but nobody have ever ever ever "gave me" flowers before, and so the image of those flowers were bright in my eyes. I remember red ones...pink ones...and yellow ones.  Yeah I know flowers are materials but common, it's tradition, sometimes words aren't enough, there got to be sweet gesture too, action to prove what the heart is made of,  That moment absolutely made my day. =)

So today my family and I were suppose to go to the pre-Tet festival.  Everyone was getting ready, then my parents starting fighting about something.  I was upstairs and I heard things breaking.  I went downstairs and saw my mom throwing the dishes and bowls onto the ground continuously.  My little sister and I got scared. I felt like crying, and went to get the broom to sweep the mess up.  Tet(The chinese/vietnamese new year) is near, they shouldn't fight on this day, today was suppose to be a happy day where the family enjoy the festival.  Though I usually don't like attending events with them, but still, common, they shouldn't have to act this way on Tet.  Many times they'd say they'd get a divorce, each time dramatic and seems real.  This time, I don't know. 

I usually don't let other people get to me when they criticize me.  I would still stand strong and do what I do. But then, when my parents criticizes me, it goes through my heart in an instant.  I would want to break down and give up on everything.  Today I just can't shake off what my mom told me, "I don't even know if you'll end up being sucessful, let's see how sucessful you'll be."  She always look at other people and bash me down,  comparing me and whatever I do, she just doesn't believe in my own power.  She doesn't know who I really am.  I know who I am. I'm sure of who I am. I know I'm a wonderful person, I just know.  Time have not come yet to show her, it is my future and she doesn't know it as well as I do. She'll see. I really hate it when I see parents understimate their children, because those parents don't know what is going on in those children's mind and what they're planning. Because first, those parents can't undersand their children as well as the children themselves can, and secondly, it just makes their children lives harder because it leaves a very big scar in their memories. Sometimes a lot of criticism can actually make someone a whole lot better, but then there comes to a point where the criticism should just stop because it is not needed any longer.

Someday when I become a mom, I will be the best mom ever.  A mom who believes in her child, the child shall idolize me.

Sometime emotional sickness makes it become physical, I'm starting to have a headache.   But then, I try to be cheerful when I'm wishing my friends a happy holiday, because I know some of them feels the holiday blues just like me.